1 Juicy couture tracksuits: The uniform of slutty school girls in Dublin, often worn tucked into mucky uggs, accessorised with adolescent angst. Never wear this outside of your house! They make you look like you have two footballs hidden in the back of your trousers, no matter how thin you really are. They also look allot like pyjamas.
2 Orange tan: We were a nation of perma pale skinned people. Then the naughty’s came and with it the invention of fake tan. Not quite the miracle cure we were hoping for, like, you know, sunshine, or skin that tan’s, but it brought us close. Now thanks to fake tan we can all look like we went to loompa- land on our holiers and made friends with the cast of jersey shore.
3 High top Wedges: Forgive me, but I don’t get this concept. High heeled runners? All the comfort of a high heel, all the style of a runner…oh wait that doesn’t make sense..and neither do these shoes. If runners outside of sport weren’t faux pa enough, they then decide to put them into an unflattering puffy ankle length design that shortens your leg, then they make them fluorescent coloured. I think I’ve seen this somewhere before? oh yeh, on Jedward.
4 Ray bans: Thanks to ray bans I can now spot a thick from a 20 yard radius. The typical ray ban wearer is someone who thinks of themselves as very cool, original, arty, and wears things that are off the beaten track…which is exactly why they bought a pair of unflattering sunglasses that 9 out of 10 people are already wearing?….since 2009.
5 Edd Hardy anything: Like hazard lights, this brand warns me in advance that there is a disaster coming my way. Most often seen worn after the wearers trip to the US, and then left in the wardrobe once they realise they don’t hang out with P-diddy or drive a motorbike. Best leave this brand to Paris Hilton.
6 Beanie hats: Are you in Coldplay? No!? Then best spare yourself the neck strain trying to keep this resting at the back of your head with your fringe out.